So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
