in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
