If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
