I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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