I seem to have left my pride at pride
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
