I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
