oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize