no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
