Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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