Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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