Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
