Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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