Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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