Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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