i already hear my dad disowning me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
