my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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