You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
