Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
