Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize