dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My cat gives me a boner
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
