if i can run in heels then i can drive
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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