There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
