I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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