he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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