youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
