Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
