If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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