i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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