Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
