Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
