Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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