We named our party play list daddy issues
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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