I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
