Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
are you so shy because you have an std?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
