I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize