Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
