dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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