Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize