Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
