I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
