eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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