3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
