17 year olds will be the death of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
