some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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