you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
