I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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