I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize