Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
