Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
