You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
