fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
