its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
