I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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