I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
