Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
