I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
