so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My breasts were aching with rage.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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