well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
