Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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