"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
