Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
