I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Acid is not a monday night drug
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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