i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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