Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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