I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
