Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize