Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
