I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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