dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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