i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
