I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
