That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
